you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
