Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
