absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
