I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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