I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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