I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
