Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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