Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
