Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
