Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
