umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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