Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
