Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
