What a fucking waste of an outfit
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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