We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
