Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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