What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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