Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have surprise drugs for everyone
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
