she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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