There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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