Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
