I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
