If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
