my mouth tastes like poor choices
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
