his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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