so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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