someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
