Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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