I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
