It's Friday. Sex?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
