she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
its liver damage thursday
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
