I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
