remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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