can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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