remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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