Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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