I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
