Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Randomize
