Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
