I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
