Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
