Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
