Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
