I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
