The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
