Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
