So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
