i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
