Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
