I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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