drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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