listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Congratulations! We have a period
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
