btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We need a shit load of segways right now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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